am·biv·a·lence
[am-biv-uh-luh
ns] 
Show IPA–noun
1.
uncertainty or fluctuation, especially when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to sayor do two opposite or conflicting things.
2.
Psychology . the coexistence within an individual of positiveand negative feelings toward the same person, object, oraction, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.
I am not quite sure why I choose this word for today's post, but I remember hearing it a couple weeks ago, looking up what it meant and then feeling a sudden connection with it in so many ways. So here I am, blogging about it.
Currently in my life I would say that I am extremely ambivalent about a majority of things. I am ambivalent about certain people, feelings, places to live, potential jobs and even my personality.
Obviously just about everyone can at some point in their life ambivalent about another person. At this moment not only do I feel a strong ambivalence towards a certain person, but I am also ambivalent about the feelings I have towards them, particularly love. I have talked about love numerous times throughout my blog, I do this because I believe it is one of the strongest emotions we as humans can experience. Right next to it is anger. Now, at this moment, I am extremely unsure weather I still love or if I am to the point where I am just angry. Guess it doesn't matter either way because when you really think about it I am angry because of the love. So that all comes full circle and ends up pointing back to one emotion, thus causing me to feel simultaneously drawn in complete opposite directions.
Of course not everyone can openly admit they are ambivalent about love (trust me you probably are if you look super deep down inside you) and I bet more than anything people have a hard time admitting they are indecisive about anything. Well, not me. I am ambivalent towards just about everything, or at least I think so.
I recently read an article (sorry I can't remember or find it again) about being a dreamer and a realist. I would like to say I am both, but isn't that just hypocritical of me? I mean, obviously I am a dreamer because I want the best in things and I try to think positively, but I am also a realist because I am conscious of the future and the need to be realistic about life in general. So, am I being hypocritical when I think to myself, "What will be, will be" or when I think that everything needs to be planned? Maybe I am just ambivalent about it. Maybe I am just torn.
From day to day I find myself quoting little life lessons and things to get me through the day, but when it comes down to it I tend to also look at the reality of it. I think you have to. But I also think you should have some sort of dreamer quality to your life. You can't just go around thinking about negativity all the time and you can't just go around living with your head in the clouds either way.
So what do you think, can you be a dreamer and a realist at the same time or am I just being hypocritical?
“An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the
long run doesn't matter. A realist believes that what is done or left
“When you're young, try to be realistic; as you get older,
become idealistic. You'll live longer.”
Pictures are from vi.sualize.us/.
No comments:
Post a Comment